i have great friends...

>>>>>>>>okay lang un noh.. :) konting alog-alog lang sa mind mo nang makita mong kinabukasan mo sa mundong balak mong tahakin... a friendly advice brought to you by Budget&Decision Support Inc... hehehe...
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>hay, may no entry sign kasi dun sa bundok na yun, nagover the bakod pa kasi ako.. salamat talaga ha..
>>>>>>siguradong may Emergency path naman ung bundok na un before ka pa maligaw... not unless gusto mo pang sumige at ang tanging paraan na lang para makababa ka sa mountain na un is through sa pagbaba sa matarik na daan gamit ang lubid... hmmMmm?
>>>>>
>>>>>naghahanap na nga ako ng parachute para mas mabilis... hay on a serious note, hirap pumasok sa trabaho na lumilipad utak ha... gusto ko nga kausapin si noel pa eh...

>>>>wag mo nah.. u wont get any consolation... men are lyk that by nature.. c noel, pagsabihan mo man ngaun, ganun at ganun pa rin...
>>>
>>>hay i just wanna curl up and die now... or at least go somewhere na wala akong iisipin.. marunong ka bang maghypnotize??

>>jan ka ngkamali... :) stand straight and chin up... what had happen has passed... all u hav to do is let the past not to recur again... regain urself... that's the least consolation u could give to us, especially to ur self.. chorva, di ka naman namin iiwan noh... i hav errors and faults iv made in the past, nu ka ba... di mo kailangang mahiya. mahiya ka pag naulit ulit un... :)
>
>mare, thank you, super kailangan ko to ngayon...
konting kontrol lang... konting-konti pa... :)
balloon girl

sinking


I stand tall looking at your face your heart will never belong to me even though mine will be forever yours A song that speaks my mind lingers with every touch and every memory, you can never be gone

Your everything haunts me even in daylight And I look beyond faults and it keeps me hurting But I can never be away from you And though I think I’m strong enough to survive every tear I lie and lie until I don’t know myself anymoreI drown in you and yet I’m not trying to breathe I’m treading in shallow waters but its all fine You’re keeping me down and I’m welcoming it all and even though I can never be the one to complete your life a promise is the only thing I can give to you I will be not waiting for you to wake up and realize what I’ve done but I won’t ever let you see the tears you’ve given me,I love you too much to let you know that you’ve been hurting me since day one and too stupid, yes it seems, you pull even closer that before. I’d fall into you all over again and  let myself go because I’d rather live in a lie than not live with you at all.


balloon girl

nazi!


i'm feeling down and i don't know why, i just had my birthday and this is surely not because of growing older, i'm looking forward to a friend's birthday celebration this friday and i'm sure i'm excited about that since i'm gonna string up someone and present him naked to her so that will definitely be fun...

it might be because i'm reading The Diary of a young Girl  which is an account of Anne Frank's life when her whole family went into hiding during the Nazi occupation, come to think of it, its hard not to feel miserable when reading this when you think of the fate they had under Hitler,  i must say he is a great man, a souless bastard he is but yeah, to be able to get all those people belive in his crazy understanding of how to run a government still amazes me, but yes, he is evil, evil but great.

or maybe its because i saw him walking last night, it was impossible not to know from the way he dressed and  walked, i was just a few feet away from him, he was in front of me and i never had the nerve to call him or whatever, i was walking slower than him so he will not see me, fortunately he went the other way and i did the other, i don't know if it was just my imagination because i had my ipod on but i think i heard him call my name, and i walked faster because of that... i think i was scared to find out what he was doing there, honestly, i was scared to know if he's on date and would be meeting the girl there, it would be VERY awkward for me and i wouldn't know how to react to that. i guess i can take all his stories and rantings about his girls but i probably will be speechless when i see them together face to face... great, i would start a war when somebody pisses me off but i'm scared of meeting a girl, any girl he has with him. i never even dared texting him that i saw him because if he did call my name on that bridge, i would have to come up with a better reason than " i had my ipod on."
 
somebody should just shoot me.


 


sad tuesday

a long time since i've been here and i just had the sudden urge to write.

i don't know if i'm feeling guilty or what, it's just that the father's of my 2 co-workers here died last saturday and people from the office have started to visit their wakes.

i have a problem with it., i am not comfortable with attending a father's funeral simply because i do not want to re-live that moment when i was the one experiencing the loss. the memory of it still hurts because a lot of things has been revealed to me during that time and up until now, i guess it hasn't really sunk in yet, i tell people that it's nothing to me, but until my family realizes that they need to clear up everything in our family's history then i will just probably run away from it and act like its nothing.

my friends have told me that i should face this "fear" so i can go on with my life, but yeah, i think i can go on with it, it just that whenever a friend of mine loses his/her father, i will probably not visit them. i am sorry but this is who i am, i am scared of feeling that emotion before that made me lose trust in my family, because they didn't tell me the truth and left me to discover a lot of things that has been traumatic, it pobably changed my whole view on everything and i guess, i might be a different person today if they found time before to explain my father's disappearance for a month or so instead of telling me he's been called off to work in the army..

yes, i am bitter, i am angry if you think about it, but never will i be the one to ask about it, its their responsibility to tell me.

so if ever i end up a serial killer, you probably know why.

updates on my not really exciting life

due to a heavy rain on my parade, i have only logged in today since i may not be able to  next time. it's been on my to-do list to update but yeah, when you're super stressed out, you don't want to vent out by writing, it's only appropriate that you play contra on your nintendo ds and kill all those damn soldiers that keep trying to blow you up.

see... you can only imagine how my life works out every day.

i have to go now because i need to strangle someone due to non acceptance of deliveries.

Denice's blabber

This is from Denice's journal, I've kind of stole it. but she is so magical with words, and the situation described here are more or less me. so...

Blabber.

Now see here. I am very aware of the fact that no matter how many times I look at your Facebook profile, or read the stuff you litter the web with, you shall not fall in love with me. No matter how much I stalk you online, there is no way you shall like me that way. No matter how long I stare at your picture. No matter how many ways I imagine us together. No matter how many reasons I come up with to justify this unsettling feeling. No matter how much “evidence” I present on your maybe liking me a bit. Reality is, you still would not like me that way. And honestly, I’m fine with it. I’m just not fine with this useless overthinking; like chewing a gum that has long past lost its flavor. It gives me a headache. But I can’t seem to stop my mind from going at it. It’s worse during times when there is no reason for me to remember you; but I do. You come out from nowhere and your face would flash before my eyes, clouding everything else. I’d suddenly remember your smile, something you said, something you did, something connected with you, no matter how vague and indirect. And I’d smile. Or I’d laugh, even when I’m alone. Or even when I’m not alone, which makes the laugh even more awkward. I can’t believe I like you, when you don’t even fulfill the first few tenets of my standards. Maybe this is just me being flattered by the attention, but really. You’re bothering me more than I would like. Not that it’s your fault you’re always on my mind. It’s not your fault that my first instinct on whatever you do is to pretend that it’s about me, even when it’s not. It’s not your fault I’m a frickin’ ashumera bitch, that hopes and hopes that you like me that way too (and secretly thinks that you WERE jealous and that flatters me and gives me hope as well, but it’s really useless to think about it; it just pops out of my brain.) But you don’t. And I know that. Because there is no sense in you liking me. You’re too cute and everyone wants you (which I know is not fair. It’s like there’s a pressure for you to choose and be in a relationship, when in reality you could opt to not be in one. It’s a frickin’ free country.) and I cannot compete with all of them. Somewhere you have met someone like me, so there is no chance of my ever impressing you, so I try not to even bother. Plus, you flatter everyone anyway. You’re a huge flirt: which is not bad at all, but really, it confuses girls (especially ones like me, whose lovelife and self-confidence are very malnourished). When you text me, or when you say things that don’t really sound so platonic, part of me goes all happy and giddy, while the other part is cursing you for doing this, and not meaning it. I can go over and over with my girlfriends  all the things you did, and all the things you said, and still it would not mean that you like me. None of it means anything until you tell me you do.

stupid menstrual flow

i'm dying from the pain i'm feeling in my mid-section, or whatever you call tht part that hurts when you have your period. i'm feeling restless and dizzy and sleepy and like i can't keep myself from throwing up.

i hate feeling like this.

i'm feeling crappier since i have to work and get out at exactly 6pm to pick up the cake i've reserved at SM north for my sister's 24th wedding anniversary.

i really need to sleep! haven't slept at all this weekend since i had to go a drive my niece around.

Lord, please help me to get through today.

walking in the rain

ok, i don't hate the rain that much, i kinda like it, come to think of it. it's relaxing and soothing and  i especially love lightning, its really beautiful, the way you see this wonderful light strike across the sky...

it's the walking in the rain and splashing dirt all over my pants that i hate.

really, how pathetic can i be, i don't know how to walk under the rain. as much as i try to carefully go through it, i always end up with my pants wet, sometimes even up to my ankles. i have tried different ways of walking but nothing works.

so. this is one of those things i need to find a cure for.