chocfreak

Wrote this last April 2011, inspired by the song Last carnival by Norihiro Tsuru, for Park Jung Su @special1004

A gift for you Livejournal.

She stared at the big arc that displays the theme park’s wonderfully colored logo and mascot in awe. She didn’t expect the place to be that big, she felt her excitement shoot up as her friends dragged her to the entrance and paid for their tickets. As she handed that little piece of paper to the ticket master, she felt like a little girl again on a school trip. This was a very well deserved break since she’s getting sick of all the stress at work. And it doesn’t really matter that she’s just turned 27 today, a theme park is a theme park, and everybody’s a kid here.
As she walked toward the main park, she can see the giant carousel with its flashing lights and smiling horses. She saw the longest roller coaster as it swerves right and left and goes up and down around the whole place. Her eyes averted to the swirling Ferris wheel, smiling as she followed the gentle movement of the rotating ride. She felt so much at ease as she saw dancing ladies in period costumes, cotton candies being spun in sticks, colorful clowns doing funny tricks on the street  and the smell of roasted peanuts that lingered all over the place. And as she immersed herself in this wonderful environment, she realized that she had been left behind by her friends. Without any sense of panic, she continued to walk and watch everything that’s been going around her. The teenagers in groups, one with hands and hearts, the kids half-dragging their parents to all the rides, friends laughing at one another as they enjoy each other’s company. She chose a bench in the middle where she can see the giant carousel and the different kinds of people that passed by. She pulled out her journal and began taking notes of what she was seeing; the gentle gaze of a lover, the loving hands of a mother, the playful piggy back ride of a father and the lovely teasing of a friend. She wrote it all down, wanting to keep memories of hose life should be spent. She took it all in to understand how happiness works. Amidst the crowd, she noticed a guy in blue sweater with a picture of a duck in front. He was wearing a hat and also watching the people walk by. He was watching them with intense passion that he didn’t see her looking at him. Intrigued at what this guy is feeling or thinking, she started to describe him in her words, how he shifted his weight from one foot to another, how he beautifully brushes his hair away from his face, how he hides his smile every time he sees a family walks by. She tries to understand him as she studies his every movement. She kept thinking of why this boy is here, is he some kind of stalker? Or a serial killer perhaps, scouting for his next victim? Or maybe he’s a writer on hiatus trying to awaken his ideas by watching the world, or maybe, he’s just like her; maybe he’s taking a break from life and just wants one peaceful evening to enjoy himself and find his soul again. She got lost in her thoughts and when she snapped out of it, he was gone. She frowned and got annoyed at herself for losing him. Oh well, she thought, just another person that passed by. She thought about her eyes and how his dimple sank deeper as he smiled. But then, she stopped. What was she thinking?! Was she attracted to this boy?! Funny, she thought, what am I doing?  She laughed as she gathered her thoughts, fixed herself and started to look for her friends.
As she went looking for them, she also started to get lost in the different stories in the crowd, she stopped herself from pulling out her journal and go into writing again, she thought that people might get creep out when a girl just starts writing in the middle of the pavement. She smiled at herself as she imagined the looks people would give her. Absentmindedly, she didn’t notice that her bag was open and that journal fell out.
A message from her friends told her that they would be meeting her in the main plaza after the rides in an hour. The message was sent 45 minutes ago, she hurriedly went to the agreed place, when she arrived at the plaza, the music started and couples began to sway in the dance floor. As she watched the gentle movements being in synced with the music, she started to get her journal but realized that it was not there. A streak of fear enveloped her as she checked her bag again, where could she have dropped it??! She went around the whole theme park looking for the plaza, it was impossible for other people to not notice a journal sitting on the ground. Oh how could’ve she been so stupid, all this time she was running around like an idiot and her stuff was probably falling out one by one. She started to trace back her steps with her eyes fixed on the ground, a pair of yellow sneakers stopped in front of her, she looked up and she was surprised, it was the boy in the blue sweater. She could see him clearly now, his hair was brown almost chestnut, his almond eyes smiling and his dimple sinking where it should be. He asked her to dance, and without waiting for an answer, she led her to the center of the dance floor, took her hand and began to sway to the music. She felt like as if she was in a trance. There she was, dancing with a stranger yet she felt so at ease as he guided her steps to the rhythm of the song. As he twirled her under the moon light , her heart stopped and she knew, at that very moment, that she was home.
Her real-life dream got cut when her friends called out to her, he just smiled at her, bowed and thanked her for being with him that night, she thought that its very weird of him to say that but when she tried to say something, he started to leave. She tried to stop him but her friends called her again and when she looked back, he was gone.
As the night went by, even though she’s now in the comfort of her friends, her mind kept wandering to the mysterious boy that made her skip a heartbeat. Just when they were about to go home, she finally remembered about her journal, she asked her friends to help her find it and one suggested they start in the park where she last used it. When they got to the bench where she sat earlier, she once again saw the boy. He was sitting gracefully, his hands were clutching something. It looked like he was going to trade his life for it if someone tries to take it away. As she approached him, he stood up and smiled. He reached out to her, her journal at his hands. She took it and said her thanks. He only smiled and said her gratitude wasn’t good enough. She was taken aback; she never thought he would be this rude. Just as she was about to give him a piece of her mind, he smiled again and asked for her name. He said that it would be the best reward for returning her journal. She stepped back, is there something wrong with this guy? He is very strange indeed. He laughed, and told her not to be afraid, he only wanted to know the name of the girl that danced with him and made him feel like she was the one he wanted to dance his whole life with. With that being said, he once again took her hand and swayed her to the music of the theme park as it nears its closing time.
 
Last Carnival, April 2011
Park Jung Su-Leeteuk     

wow, almost 6 months. hello live journal. i kinda missed you. i hope you're not angry with me, its just that i ran out of words to express and i thought you deserved better than that.

i went back here because i wanted you to know that my life still sucks.  What's that?! why are you so surprised?! its not like i wanted it to be like that, its just that i haven't found mojo on life yet. the worst part: when i was having this sort of heart-to-heart talk with my boss, she kinda rubbed it in that when she was my age, she already got married. thanks boss, i definitely needed that. a sort of slap in the face, mind you. it was not because i'm still single and the comment pushed me off the edge, what pissed me off is how they see me, i mean i'm not miserable and i believe that i dont look that pathetic for them to give that kind of comment.

oh, what the hell, i dont care anyway.

i like this freedom, and how can i get married when i really dont have the special someone yet?!

really? is that a problem? i dont think so.

Someday, i'm gonna have my moment and give the universe the finger ( stole this from Chinggay Labrador's book, credit goes to her, of course!)

 

I owe Ladytiger this post…

 

May 19

!2:30 am, the flight was a little delayed due to customs checking, but after a few minutes we were allowed to go on board, there was a lady in my seat, she was actually starting to give me the attitude, but when I pointed out in her ticket that she must have read wrong, she immediately apologized and went to her correct seat, I was the only one who got separated because the travel agency gave us pre-assigned seats. I ate fish instead of bibimbap, I didn’t want to get too excited, plus I was a little sleepy and tired and the flight attendants kept asking questions.

Arrived In Incheon international airport after 3 hours and ++ minutes, almost didn’t go through the immigration, the guy kept checking my ID, ok, so yeah, Philippine License really does look fake even if its real, good thing my niece and my nephew waited for me and guy noticed that, he finally stamped my passport and let me through.

We immediately got picked up by our tour guide, Austin, and another girl, our slash photographer, Candy. Both girls were very nice, I think it’s the first time I’ve ever liked our tour guides. First stop was breakfast, Japanese udon. Then she whisked us to Nami Island, our first destination, its actually the location for Winter Sonata, and it was really cool, they have statues and markers for each scenes. After that we had pork bbq and veggies for lunch, we bought mocha milk in those really cool square packaging! Then we went to Petite France, another shooting location for one of the dramas, Beethoven Virus, but I haven’t seen it. It was inspired by the novel, The Little prince, it was really nice. Then off to Gyeongbok palace and the national folklore museum, which features traditional Korean practices and culture. Lastly we went to the Teddy bear Museum in the N seoul tower, we rode this cool elevator, and the view in the tower was Spectacular!! Love it!

Arrived in the hotel around 9pm, we stayed at the Grand Hilton, low point- no free wifi! After unpacking a few things, spending a few minutes in the balcony to have some fresh air, I had a well-deserved shower and went to bed. I was rooming with my niece and nephew.

May 20

Had an early breakfast in the hotel and went on an hour’s worth of driving time to pick some Korean strawberries.. LOVE!!!! I even ate the ones we picked without washing it, hahaha, very sweet unlike the ones in Baguio.. after that we went to the Kimchi making school, this kind old lady taught us how to make Kimchi, the sauce had 12 ingredients on it, and I wasn’t able to write them down, kill me. After having some kimchi for snacks, we tried wearing Hanbok, the traditional Korean dress.. trust me when I say they looked great with my chucks. Hahahaha.

After having lunch, we went to Everland!!! Yay!!! We went on the safari ride and saw the Liga, the first ever cross breed of a lion and a tiger, plus saw lots of tigers and lions and bears! I wanted to take one tiger home, they are so beautiful!!!!!!! Wasn’t able to go much on rides because it rained, like hell. It was a little sad, I was walking around in a really awesome themepark in a raincoat! First time ever!! Hahaha, hiked up to the main park because we went on a cable car ride to get to Safari world. Ate corn dog and bought various candies at the shop, hahaha, always had to satisfy my sweet tooth… Dinner was seafood bibimbap.. good thing I’ve always liked Korean food! I mean, I love their Kimchi!!! I can live at Korea eating their food forever! Hahaha on our way back to the hotel, Austin made us watch some K-pop videos, I actually got a few songs that’s now home in my ipod. After taking a bath, we saw Star Audition, a singing contest, I think it was their local version of American idol, anyway, I saw Leetuk on TV, ahahaha awesome!

May 21

Buffet breakfast again in the hotel and the day was spent around Seoul, we sent to duty free, to a ginseng outlet ( the ginseng was really EXPENSIVE!!!) Myeongdong Street and Dongdaemun St for shopping, dinner was Chicken ginseng soup ( or vice-versa?), they serve you a whole chicken (I think it was a 45-day old chicken because it was a little small compared to normal ones) and inside you find rice and one whole ginseng root, it was refreshing really. After dinner, we went to see Nanta!, a really, really cool show that shows off chopping skills, drumming skills, and just plain entertainment, a kind of musical Mr. bean. The guy who played the Nephew chef was really hot! ;)

May 22

Last day in Korea, I was really taking it all in, I was sure I was going to miss the place. We checked out in the morning and went to Lotte world!! Yay again! We went on the train ride, then on a hot air balloon ride thingy, best thing was Pharoah’s Fury, like an indoor mini-roller coaster without the loops or water, still loved it because it’s Egypt inspired, there’s no crazy loops and I was smiling when the camera caught our picture, hahaha

We then went to the amethyst factory, and passed by the Entertainment district on our way to the airport, saw cherry blossoms, but we missed their flowering time, they only bloom for 2 weeks, and trivia! They actually originated from Jeju Island in korea, and not in japan, the Japanese only brought them back there when they colonized korea years ago. Also, the Korean royal bloodline was also stopped because of political issues and drama. Anyway, Austin told us a short version, there was a queen who was murdered, a princess that got married off to a Japanese, a king that hid to avoid being killed, and a prince who denied his royal right because he thought his country abandoned him.

Before saying goodbye, we went to a supermarket, I actually bought cheese flavored ramen, which I now have to find here in manila because they are HEAVEN!!! At the airport, gave a hug to both our guides, wished Candy good luck on her studies, she’s a good girl, working and studying. And she’s taking Mathematics!! Geez….

Tried to spend all our Korean money but it won’t go away, we bought CHICKEN BULGOGI  at KFC, trust my nephew about food… then we got some coffee and we still had around 2000+ won left! hahaha

Arrived in Manila around 11:30 pm, and as usual immigration people got on my nerves… got home around 2am, Monday.. went to sleep and tried to dream of Seoul.

 

Here concludes my sweet but short trip to one of my dream destinations…

i just had the best dream of my life, this is just the 2nd time i dream of my dad after he died, this was after 16 years! the dream wasn't all about him, we were in some military camp waiting to get certificates for those soldiers who perished, i think the country was in some sort of war. and i was there with my mom and second sister, we were goin to get Papa's death certificate, actually it was not his that i came there for, but i asked for it nevertheless, in my dream, he died of some heart-related disease, there were other characters from my office, and some from highschool, but when i got the cert and was going back to where mama and ani were seated, HE WAS THERE, ALIVE AND WELL, and even though he was arguing about the death certificate, i didnt care, i gave the documents to my mom, and i hugged him, he looked like the one  image of him that i try to remember, the healthy one, the one before he got sick... i really hugged him and felt him. and funny thing, he didnt act like he was dead, even though my mom held his death certificate in the other chair, i also didn't care to question why he was there, i was just so happy he was alive. and he started eating some menudo, and i think i cooked it and he said it needs a little more salt, although mom said it tastes fine.

it is really weird, but it is the BEST DREAM i've had in LONG TIME.

i've decided to start a travel journal.

still deciding whether it will be an actual notebook or a blog.

Keyword: DECIDED TO START

still depends on my laziness gauge.

hehehe.

well i have been having sleep problems for more than a month now and i'm really tired, adding up to that is my non-stop stress at work, i'm just expecting to fall flat on my face one of these days due to work overload. i've tried a lot of things already, that includes:

1. drinking warm milk ( as seen on yahoo)
2. listening to classical/instrumental music
3. reading
4. downing sleep dietary supplements
5. watching TV
6. surfing the net until i get "sleepy"
7. downing anti-histamines

i haven't tried sleeping pills yet since those need prescriptions and i don't want to go to the doctor. i don't know why, i think i'm scared of what the diagnosis will be. hahaha

i'm also down to 1-2 sticks a day, i thought that maybe if i don't smoke sleep will come easier... come to think of it, i don't usually smoke before going to sleep before.. so this is just a PLUS, since i'm trying to get healthy. actually, funny story, i'm now bored with the smoking thing, which can actually help me stop it (yehey!) at least i'm not that addicted to smoking yet since i can go on weekends without smoking one. another funny story? stopping will probably be easier since i've found out that the guy i've been crushing on right now doesn't like smokers, doesn't really matter if he's like a thousand miles away and there's no chance in hell that i'll ever meet him since he's an international superstar but yeah, it's nice to have some kind of inspiration for these kind of things. Go Me!

so back to sleeping... i have a major problem with it, i hope i'll become normal again because i'm really, really tired, and i'm running out on internet sites to visit and movies to download.

hmmm. this started as a tweet and now it's haunting me.

i wanna cure this thing, i never been able to say I LOVE YOU in a serious way, to my parents, to my sisters, i probably drop it once or twice to my friends but that turn out to be more than a joke than an actual fact. i do write them in letters and notes, though when i think of it, the way i also wrote them  is sort of funny too...

don't know why i feel awkward around those three words, maybe it's because i never heard them in our house, my family is very vocal about everything, believe me.. but when it comes to saying how we feel, all of use have a problem, i think it's in the genes.. or something...

come on, you think i'm weird right? well, i feel like it anyway. sometimes my imagination gets hold of me and i suddenly get sucked into this fantasy world where all i dream of happens... and then i wake up and realize that there must be something wrong with me because it's not normal for people to live their fantasies.
i'm scared that i get into deep than i forget about reality permanently. although, if i think about it, that sounds awesome.

so how to cure it, probably if i ahd someone to practice saying it to, that might help... or if practice with my family first, but they will probably laugh at me, they're just.. like that...
well, this is frustrating....

someday, maybe i'll find the courage to say those words out loud... even though i don't say it very often, i do hope they feel that i do love them.

i don't think i can go on anymore, so stressed out, probably burned out even.
this is really not healthy anymore, this is even worse than my smoking.
i'd rather die of lung cancer than die of stress.

I have got to keep up with the times. As in, really! I mean, I don’t know what’s happening with the world right now, (Egypt’s president stepping down, that I know of, thanks to the internet), my everyday life revolves around waking up at 5:30 am, taking a bath, downing a cup of coffee while fixing myself for work, then off to a nerve-wracking 10-hour work day, go home at around 7pm, endure the 1.5 hours of travel time towards home, eat dinner, lounge in front of my laptop, surf youtube/download songs/download new applications while tweeting, and wait for sleep to come which usually knocks around 12:30-1am nowadays.

 Really, why don’t I just kill myself?

 Sometimes the only updates I get on my friend’s lives are through their facebook pages, twitter, and blogs.  As much as I would like to keep up also and meet personally, work schedules doesn’t permit us to actually have a life. Usually, whenever schedules would jive, so much effort will really be put into it so we can at least see each other, the previous years, this turns out to be every Christmas.

 I miss them. Really.

 It’s not fun to waddle on life’s challenges alone, I know they’re always there when I need someone to talk to, but it’s not easy to do so when the only form of communication you have is thru text messages. It’s hard to live this way, I wish I could just exist in a reality where I and all my friends live in the same building, or work in the same place, or just do the same stuff. Although I’m really sure that last one is out of bounds since we’re into really different things. Hahaha.

 I’m actually at a loss right now, I’m turning 27 this year and I still feel like I haven’t accomplished anything. The amount of work load doesn’t count of course, in that area, I’m like super-duper-accomplished, its just they haven’t promoted me yet. Hahaha but on a serious note, that’s how I feel, I haven’t done what I really want, my family has expectations I have to live up to, and I don’t even know what I REALLY want to do, I want to try so many things all at the same time! I want to travel, I want to write, I want to dance, I want to learn another language, I want to study editing, I want to know about music production, I wanna learn about advertising. It seems that I wanna do so much right? What’s stopping me? Me. I’m stopping myself. I’m scared of what my sisters would think, she’d probably say I’m throwing my life away, since stability is very important for her. I even wonder sometimes why am I the only in my family who doesn’t think like that.

 

Sana I’ll have the courage soon to throw my life away and start something new. or maybe meet someone that would push me to go for these plans. or both, pwede naman din.

rock on.

lately i've been entertaining myself with anything korean/chinese, i found this stacks of movies i bought before and saw them again last weekend, it's funny to reminisce about those days when the fad was everywhere, my friends and i would go to divisoria if our schedule permits us and buy a lot of movies. there was once a time when a few of us went on a korean binge and tried the food and visited mini-groceries where we bought snacks and chopsticks made of metal. hahaha. i miss those days, we had no care in the world back then and hours went by with us just planning to go on dream vacations.

i haven't been to Korea yet and one friend said it was beautiful there, hoping to go with the family maybe next year, if the threat of war subsides, that is...) it was actually our plan last year but we weren't able to secure visas, so we went to Vietnam instead, this year, we're targeting malaysia. memo to me, learn about malaysia.

i actually just started liking super junior, the 10-person boy band, i've heard of them before already, don't know why i'm just starting to like them now. they dance really, really good. and i'm a sucker for dancers. hahaha

maybe one day i'll be able to blog about my Seoul trip... i'm really crossing my fingers on that.